In the blink of an eye, everything changed.  The path I was on disappeared beneath my feet and left me stumbling in the dark trying to find a purpose for my life.  What is a nurse to do when she can no longer be a nurse?  

I’m not proud to admit that For a while I did nothing, I curled up in defeat.  Angry at the world, myself, even God.  Why would he let this happen to me?  I’ve spent my adult life helping others, why do I have to hurt, to suffer?  Why are my children suffering?   

What I’ve come to accept over the last 15 months is that everything happens for a reason.  There is a purpose for my pain.  My desire to help others hasn’t left, it’s shifted.   I looked back on my career as a bedside nurse and made lists of what I loved and hated about my job.  What stood out for me almost immediately is that the part I loved was the personal interaction.  

Teaching and empowering others to care for themselves.   I hated the paperwork and the rushing, feeling like I didn’t have time to sit with my patient and hold their hand.  I felt something was fundamentally wrong with giving someone 15 pills for breakfast.  How on earth could that be good for the body.   We are only treating the symptoms, there is no money to be made by curing the disease.  

Some of my most cherished memories are simply sitting with a patient and feeding them, or holding their hand when they were scared.   I lived for the personal touch, the connection with others and the ability to make their day a little brighter.   

Is it possible that God has other plans for me?  Is it possible that my work injury and subsequent suffering are preparing me for a new path in life?   What is that path?   Why can’t God just tell me what he wants me to do, because I will do it.   I spent months screaming at God to just tell me what he wanted, begging him to relieve my pain, bargaining and threatening.  I was desperate and lost.  I felt abandoned and alone. 

The more I’ve prayed on this, I’ve come to notice small things.  Opportunities that have been put into motion.   Quiet ways that I am being led in a new direction.  I still want to help others, I need to help others.   I have this passion to help others in pain, physical pain and emotional pain.   My vision isn’t quite clear yet but it becomes clearer every day.  I see the doors opening in front of me and the opportunities that I believe God is giving me to share my message.  

I feel that I’ve been given the skills through my years as a nurse to understand one way of looking at dis-ease and pain, and that through my years long research into holistic treatments I’m in a unique position to understand how to incorporate the two.   This is my purpose in life, to be of service to others, to empower others to take control of their lives and their pain.  

My passion is to help others and that’s why I’m here!

-Julie the Nurse

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